Understanding the relationship between self-love, self-neglect, and the suffering we experience in life.
“Why am I always punished by God when I have never intentionally hurt anyone? Why do I have to suffer so much despite always trying to do good?”
We have all probably asked ourselves these questions at least once in our lifetime, especially during moments when life seems unfair.
Personally, I have come across people for whom these questions have caused considerable emotional damage. Some have even questioned their faith, while others have gradually turned towards atheism.
Understanding why good people suffer requires a perspective that goes beyond punishment and reward. Perhaps a straightforward answer may not be enough to bring clarity to this question. So, let me explain it through a different perspective.
1. The Ambulance Driver: A Different Perspective on Good Deeds
Imagine that you are an ambulance driver who provides free transportation to people in medical emergencies. Whenever you receive a call, you immediately pick up the patient and take them to the hospital. You do not charge them for your service; you only accept voluntary tips, if they wish to offer them.
What are you doing here?
Obviously, you are performing a good deed. You are helping people without expecting anything in return. And yes, your actions deserve appreciation.
But now, imagine something else.
Although you take excellent care of your passengers, you frequently forget to maintain your ambulance. You neglect its servicing, ignore minor mechanical issues, and postpone necessary repairs.
Eventually, one day, the ambulance breaks down completely. It becomes impossible to drive, even for a few metres.
Now, here is my question: would it make sense to blame God for the breakdown of your ambulance?
You might have helped hundreds of people, but that does not eliminate your responsibility to maintain the vehicle that makes your service possible.
Your good intentions cannot compensate for your negligence towards something that needs your care.
And this is where I want you to understand something important about life.
2. Self-Neglect Is Also a Form of Self-Harm
Have you ever considered that the consequences of neglecting yourself can be just as damaging as the consequences of hurting someone else?
When you constantly prioritise others while ignoring your own emotional, physical, and psychological needs, you are gradually exhausting the very person who makes all those good deeds possible.
You may never have intentionally hurt another human being. You may have helped people, supported their dreams, sacrificed your comfort, and stood beside them during their difficult times.
But what about you?
Who takes care of your emotional well-being? Who protects your peace? Who considers your needs when everyone else is asking something from you?
Sometimes, the suffering we experience is not necessarily a punishment for something wrong we have done to others. It may also be the consequence of repeatedly neglecting ourselves.
Not every suffering is a punishment. Sometimes, it is a consequence of the way we have been living.
Research on self-care consistently shows that sustained neglect of one’s own emotional and physical needs has real consequences — not as a moral verdict, but as a natural outcome.
3. Self-Love Is the Foundation of Genuine Charity
Let me explain this through a financial example.
Imagine that you have ₹10,00,000 in your bank account. Donating ₹1,000 to someone in need would probably not affect your financial stability. You can help that person without compromising your essential needs.
Now imagine that you have only ₹1,500 in your account, and you donate ₹1,000 to someone else.
Although your intention may be noble, you are now left with only ₹500 to manage your own requirements. In this situation, you are doing two things simultaneously: neglecting your own essential needs and making yourself vulnerable by prioritising someone else’s needs over your own stability.
The intention to help is admirable, but the inability to recognise your own limitations can turn generosity into self-neglect.
This is why I believe that genuine charity must come from a place of inner stability rather than personal deprivation.
Only when you learn to love and respect yourself can you establish a healthier relationship with others. This is the foundation of genuine self-love — not a selfish withdrawal from others, but a stable inner resource from which real generosity flows.
A balanced individual understands two equally important responsibilities: loving oneself and extending that love towards others.
An imbalance can take you towards either extreme. You may become someone who is easily exploited by cunning people, or you may move towards the opposite extreme and become excessively self-centred.
Neither is desirable. The objective is not to stop helping people. It is to learn how to help without destroying yourself in the process.
Even the Bible teaches the importance of giving according to what one has, rather than giving beyond one’s means.
4. The Car You Lent to Your Friend: A Spiritual Analogy
Let me give you another example to take this understanding a little deeper.
Imagine that you have a very close friend. Due to a job transfer, you are required to move to another city for a year. Since you trust this friend and know that he does not own a car, you decide to lend him your personal vehicle until you return.
You trust him, believe that he will maintain it properly, and expect him to return it in the same condition in which you handed it over. So, before leaving your hometown, you give him the keys and ask him to return the vehicle after your year-long assignment.
A year passes, and you return home.
You contact your friend and ask for your car. But what you discover is extremely disappointing. The colour has faded. The vehicle has not received proper maintenance. The tyres have not been replaced despite being worn out. Several mechanical issues have developed because your friend failed to take adequate care of it.
Now, let me ask you something: would you willingly lend him your car again?
Probably not.
Why? Because although you gave him something valuable, he failed to respect and maintain what was entrusted to him.
Now, look at this situation from a spiritual perspective.
5. Your Body and Mind Are Also Gifts
Imagine that God has given you something incredibly valuable without asking you to pay for it.
Your body and your mind.
You did not purchase your existence. You did not design your nervous system, manufacture your organs, or consciously create the extraordinary abilities of your brain. You received this human experience as a gift.
But what have you done with it?
Have you taken adequate care of your physical health? Have you developed your intellectual abilities? Have you worked towards emotional maturity? Have you invested time in understanding yourself?
Or have you spent most of your life trying to please others, satisfying their expectations and sacrificing your own well-being?
Sometimes, we become so occupied with external philosophies, religious interpretations, and the expectations of society that we completely forget our responsibility towards ourselves. We spend years searching for answers outside, but rarely take the time to understand the person within.
And when we suffer, we question God.
But have we ever paused to examine whether we have taken proper care of what we have been entrusted with?
Remember, gratitude is not merely about praying, worshipping, or expressing appreciation through words.
Gratitude is also reflected in how responsibly you take care of the life you have been given.
6. Evolve Yourself Instead of Abandoning Yourself
As human beings, we have a responsibility to nurture our minds and bodies.
Our physical health should improve. Our emotional intelligence should evolve. Our thinking should become wiser, and our understanding of life should become deeper.
You should continuously work towards becoming a healthier, wiser, and more balanced version of yourself.
That, too, is a beautiful expression of gratitude towards God.
When you begin treating self-care as a responsibility rather than a luxury, something gradually changes.
You become more conscious of your decisions. You develop healthier boundaries. You stop allowing people to exploit your kindness. You learn when to give, when to receive, and when to say no.
And eventually, gratitude becomes more than a temporary emotion. It becomes a way of living.
7. Help Everyone, Including Yourself
I want to conclude with one simple thought.
Do not misunderstand self-love as selfishness.
You do not have to stop helping people. You do not have to become emotionally unavailable or indifferent to the suffering of others.
Instead, include yourself among the people you genuinely care about.
When you help someone, remember that you are equally deserving of your own kindness. When you support someone, remember to support yourself. When you forgive someone, remember not to repeatedly put yourself in situations where you are hurt. When you donate something, remember to preserve what you need to sustain yourself.
Help everyone, including yourself.
And perhaps, more importantly: help yourself a little more.
Because the more you nurture yourself, the more capacity you develop to nurture others.
You cannot continuously pour water from an empty vessel. Learn to replenish yourself before you attempt to fill someone else’s cup.
Self-love does not make you less compassionate. It makes your compassion sustainable.
— Jerry, Maverick Seer Hybrid Healer · NLP Practitioner · Energy Healing Expert
Do you find yourself always giving to others but never feeling genuinely cared for in return — exhausted, depleted, and wondering why life still feels unfair? Through NLP, subconscious pattern clearing, and energy healing, Jerry helps clients understand the deeper roots of their suffering and rebuild the inner foundation of self-love and boundaries from which genuine, sustainable giving becomes possible.Book your free 30-minute clarity call →