Learning how to forgive yourself is something most people never truly attempt — not because they don’t want to, but because they don’t realise they need to.
Most of us care deeply about how we appear to the world. But care very little about what is happening within us. We care about our outlook, our image, our responsibilities, our relationships, our work, and the expectations of others.
But how often do we stop and ask ourselves:
“What have I done to myself?”
That is where the idea of self-forgiveness begins.
What Is Forgiveness — And What It Isn’t
When someone hurts you, they may eventually realise what they have done, apologise, and promise not to repeat the same behaviour.
But an apology followed by the repetitive act of hurting you is not forgiveness. It is manipulation.
Many people misunderstand the difference between an apology and forgiveness.
An apology can sometimes be a simple process. But forgiveness is much deeper.
Forgiveness is a wholesome practice. It often comes with genuine realisation, inner transformation, and a promise not to repeat the same mistake.
Forgiveness is not merely saying “I am sorry.” It is saying:
“I understand what I did. I understand what it caused. And I choose not to become the same person again.”
And when forgiveness is genuine, it does not only heal the person who was hurt. It also heals the person who offers it.
Perhaps this is why forgiveness has such a powerful place in almost every spiritual tradition.
Now, I know what many of you might be thinking. “Forgiving myself should be easy, right?” Perhaps you believe that a tearful apology to yourself, some self-pampering, or simply telling yourself “It’s okay” is enough.
But if it were that simple — why does your life remain the same?
How to Forgive Yourself: First, Know What to Forgive
This is the real question most people skip.
Have you heard of the Parable of the Talents, told by Jesus in Matthew 25:14–30?
A master goes on a journey and entrusts his wealth to three servants. One receives five talents and earns five more. Another receives two and earns two more. But the third receives one talent and buries it in the ground out of fear.
When the master returns, he praises the first two servants because they used what they had been given. But the third servant is condemned — not for doing wrong, but for doing nothing with what he had been entrusted.
Now think about this story differently.
Perhaps the “talents” in your life are not only about money. Perhaps they are also your abilities, your creativity, your energy, your health, your intelligence, your dreams, your passions, your unique qualities, your ability to love, your ability to experience joy — and perhaps even the person you once were before the world convinced you to become someone else.
How many of your talents have you buried?
How many dreams did you bury because you were afraid? How many hobbies did you abandon because life became “too busy”? How much of your health did you compromise for things that were not truly important? How much of your happiness did you trade for the approval of others? How often did you silence your own colours just to fit into someone else’s world?
And how many times did you choose everyone else — while continuously choosing yourself last?
These are not small things. These are wounds.
And sometimes, the person who created those wounds was you.
Not because you wanted to hurt yourself. But because you were afraid. Because you were tired. Because you were trying to survive. Because you were trying to be accepted. Because you believed that everyone else deserved your love, your time, your energy, and your sacrifices — while you could wait.
This is deeply connected to what we explored in self-blame vs self-motivation — so much of what we call self-discipline is actually self-punishment, and so much of what we call “being responsible” is actually self-abandonment in disguise.
The Forgiveness You Owe Yourself
Self-forgiveness begins when you turn your attention back towards yourself.
Look at that hobby you once loved. Look at the person you used to be. Look at the health you once had. Look at the dreams you abandoned. Look at the joy you once experienced without needing permission from anyone.
And then, perhaps for the first time, say to yourself:
“I am sorry.”
I am sorry for giving you the least importance. I am sorry for abandoning you while trying to keep everyone else happy. I am sorry for trading your happiness for things that were never truly connected to your inner self. I am sorry for allowing fear to bury the talents you were given. I am sorry for becoming a stranger to you.
And then comes the most important part. You must make a promise. Not an emotional promise that lasts a few days. A conscious promise.
“From this moment forward, I will not repeat the same mistake.”
I will take care of my health. I will listen to my inner voice. I will make time for my passions. I will stop apologising for my colours. I will not bury everything beautiful within me just to make other people comfortable.
And most importantly — I will not forget myself again.
Something begins to happen when you do this sincerely. You may feel an awakening. A release. A strange lightness within you. It may feel as though a part of you that has been waiting silently for years has finally been noticed.
Because perhaps that is what self-forgiveness truly is.
It is not simply forgiving yourself for making mistakes. It is forgiving yourself for abandoning yourself.
This is also the foundation of genuine self-love — not the kind that looks good on the outside, but the kind that begins with turning toward the parts of yourself you left behind.
You Are Allowed to Return to Yourself
The world often trains us to fit into systems. To follow expectations. To compromise. To adjust. To become acceptable. To become convenient.
And sometimes, while trying so hard to fit into the world — we slowly lose the person we were meant to be.
We are social beings. We need relationships, family, and society. We need one another.
But there is one relationship you cannot afford to permanently abandon.
The relationship you have with yourself.
Understanding how your emotional energy works makes this even clearer — every time you abandon your own needs, dreams, and health to sustain everyone else, you are quietly depleting the very source from which you give.
So take some time. Look within. Find the areas of your life that need forgiveness. Find the dreams you buried. Find the happiness you sacrificed. Find the parts of yourself you neglected.
And forgive yourself.
Not so that you can return to the person you once were — but so that you can finally become the person you were always capable of becoming.
Sometimes, the person you need to forgive is yourself.
And sometimes — the person waiting for your forgiveness is also yourself.
— Jerry, Maverick Seer Hybrid Healer · NLP Practitioner · Energy Healing Expert
Are years of self-neglect, buried dreams, or emotional weight quietly holding you back from the life you deserve? Through NLP, subconscious healing, and energy work, Jerry helps clients release old patterns of self-abandonment — and reconnect with the version of themselves that has been waiting to emerge. Book your free 30-minute clarity call →